4 Days...

He is leaving in four days.  I feel like shit and I feel like crying.

Nevermind I am crying.

I feel awful.  I feel terrible and the worst part is, I feel this way because I wish I had known.

I thought I had a few more weeks.  But no.  I don't want to pull him away from his family now but I want nothing more than to talk to him, tell him that I care about him and I want him to be safe.  But I know I need to be selfless.  His family is there, I am not.  I wish I was.  Goddess I do.  But I can't and it hurts.

I know the tears will stop but I'm going to miss him so much.

Every night for nearly the past week, I have woken up from one nightmare or another.  I can't remember them now, and I don't want to.  I have blamed the tears on the pills, hormones trying hard to level themselves.  But I am so afraid, and so alone.  And the one person I want, almost need, by me is almost 2500 miles away and preparing to go into a war zone, trying so hard to be the best he can and I won't stop him, though I know he would drop everything for me.

I am so afraid.

And I feel so alone in my fear.