When you rather have nightmares than Dreams

I don't understand my brain sometimes.  My dreams haunt me, even when they aren't nightmares.  Sometimes I wish they were, so I could just write them off as my anxiety and my over active imagination. But that is not the case sadly.  This was a nice dream, one I can remember which is a shock.  I kissed someone I shouldn't have kissed.

And it was nice.

Jeeze, I just can't win can I?

Sometimes, you wish and forget

Or wish you could forget.

I actually almost forgot about this blog, and I was just thinking about making a new one when I remembered "Oh, yeah, this is a thing".  Its not like I haven't been blogging, I actually have been blogging a bit on another site, but that one is a bit...NSFW.  If you don't know what that means, means you are not old enough to read it.

But, I find myself, usually when I'm sick because I have nothing better to do, thinking about the past.  And it is the past I don't necessarily want to think about.  Old relationships I wish weren't gone, past failures, blah, blah, blah.  But, mainly, I think about a future that probably won't happen.  And that terrifies me.  Because, it makes me nervous, and sad, and lonely.

I fall for people I shouldn't. And thinking about a could be and shouldn't be.  And its...an awful feeling.  And I can't help it.

Oh well.